Maja's blog & Articles | Sensit Yoga Somatics

Yoga reflections 2017

Miltos Pavlou — Mon, 18 Sep 2017 11:05:00 GMT

October 27 2017

In one of my favorite Indian myths, the sage Bharadvaja finally meets with the Lord Shiva. Bharadvaja had longed to see Shiva for many lifetimes, hoping to be granted liberation from the cycle of birth and death. In that hope, he had spent his multiple lives in isolation, cultivating unshakable commitment to the study of the Vedas. At the end of one of his lifetimes, Shiva comes to his dying bed to see him sick and alone. He looks at him with empathy and points to the mountain outside his window. "Bharadvaja, what have you been doing? There can ALWAYS be more knowledge. What you need is to get out of your cave and share what you have learned with the world."

How beautiful! We can always gather more knowledge, whether through books, or inner work of self exploration and awareness. But will it turn into love? For knowledge to turn into love, it needs to be shared. It needs connections, reflections, intimacy...it needs a tribe.

So then the wise sage Bharadvaja spends his next life-time teaching, engaging and learning through connecting with people. He spreads kindness, light and love wherever he goes. On his dying bed this time around many people are always beside him, honoring him for all that he has given and done for them. Right then, he sees Shiva again, who seems pleased and grants him eternal liberation.

But Bharadvaja refuses. He has no desire to be liberated any more, he only wants to come back again and be with his sangha. This is my favorite part because the connections he made in life DID in fact liberate him. They liberated him from isolation and ideas that freedom is waiting for us on the other side. The richness and beauty of sharing, learning and just being TOGETHER is bringing us back INTO the cycle, day after day, practice after practice, life-time after life-time.
I can't wait for next week to be with my tribe in Athens, to unpack together mythology, Sutras, quotes and whatever else speaks to our heart. The philosophy of yoga is only as relevant as it is applicable in our lives. Teaching philosophy is only as valuable as it can be released from the moral and dogmatic narrative, right into the arms of deep and meaningful human connections.

October 23 2017

The cage may be of our own design, but it is difficult to break free from it on our own. We have to be seen by another to be able to see more of ourselves.

October 19 2017

#metoo Especially between 16 and 25 y.o. Assaults from strangers, a weird hug from a friend's father, lack of true connection (and boundaries) from boyfriends, indecent proposals, looks that made me want to puke and other.
My step-daughter now 14, already on the street occasionally gets disgusting comments from men 3 times her age.
And then there are those other men...the kind, the loving, the gentle, the respectful men who are willing to listen to our experiences, to acknowledge the huge proportions of gender inequality and abuse, and to refuse to perpetuate it with every chance they get, some making it into their profession, other into a life journey of healing and reconciliation. And this despite the way in which they themselves have been brought up! I love those men. I love MY man.

October 11 2017

I am blessed for having the world’s most sensitive, talented, intelligent, funny, and LOVING girls in my life all these years.
As we celebrate the International Day of a Girl, may we remember the underprivileged girls and women with the same abilities and potential as ours, who suffer continuous sexualized violence and gender-specific trauma, just because of the misfortune of having been born in a “wrong” place – a place of war, crisis and underdevelopment.
My donation-based yoga workshops next month will take place in Vienna in support of Medica Mondiale through Theresa Gigov's project: Yogis For Women’s Rights http://www.yogisforwomensrights.org, and through our AthensYogis project in Greece http://athensyoga.gr/?i=portal.en.athens-yogis
May our practice of turning within wake us up to our interconnectedness, and fuel our passion for women’s rights, giving us enough clarity, sensitivity and strength to place our efforts where they are so greatly needed.

October 9 2017

Virabhadrasana – when a lift of the upper body is saying yes, I am strong enough to live up to the highest visions of my heart!
Not because you are free from fear. But because you know fear all too well, and you are prepared and willing to integrate any possibility of future failure, discomfort, anger, shame, regret, misunderstanding, whatever unique type of boogieman is sitting in your closet. Lifting the heart reminds you that deep inside yourself you KNOW the way. So if you have a teenage child lately followed by a pink elephant, gather the strength of a warrior, and make the effort to connect. You have so much to learn from the most difficult conversations you’ll ever have had.

October 5 2017

In the midst of uncertainty, turbulence, total chaos of your ordinary living, there is a thread, a constant to take comfort in – you are always a feeling being!

October 2 2017

When I hear that children should be involved in more "constructive" activities, I think of acting silly, playing, testing, making "mistakes", and doing nothing as just that!

October 1 2017

The child heard her say - Here I am.
Moments went by.
The child spoke - I had forgotten that I'm a loner at heart.
She extended her branches around, beyond, and within, and whispered with a radiant smile - Here you are. Welcome back.
The child cried and cried for never having left her arms.
Reconnecting with nature

September 28 2017

Let all the other stuff wait, and MELT in your morning cuddles. You may be setting the tone for a day of smiles.

September 14 2017

Whenever possible, pause and make space! Between tasks, between sentences, between trains of thought. Most of all, pause between news feeds on FCB! If you’ve just read about your friend in mourning, don’t scroll down to the next sponsored ad, or a birthday celebration picture. Pause, and really think about this person and how they are feeling. Offer them your wishes, your support, your heart. Honoring and processing an emotion is not the same thing with clicking an emoticon on your computer.

September 4 2017

If we happen to see violence against women and children in public, WE HAVE TO stand up against it! I witnessed it twice in my life. Once on the street when I was 13 years old. My gut clenched up in knots, and I froze at the scene from the shock. I couldn’t shake off the fear for months. The second time happened just a week ago. I had the same gut reaction, but this time as a grown-up, I instantly intervened, yelled my guts out on the guy like a crazy person, and alarmed others to help too. Safety is a fundamental human right and it is our duty to protect the physically weaker as much as we can!

August 17 2017

It is easy to notice that we come to our meditation practice with a preconceived notion of what the “right” meditation experience should feel like. On the other hand, there is a reality of the momentary experience itself. Strengthening our capacity to be aware of this dichotomy, and to even willfully hold the tension between the opposites of expectation and experience, can expand us in a way, dare I say, even greater than ignoring either of the two can.

August 15 2017

If a yoga teacher showing a posture in front of her class realizes that in that particular moment her body is not ready/willing to go into a full pose, the very act of backing off, using props and modifying will be the most valuable lesson to his/her students. Students ALWAYS pick up our level of awareness and how much we are truly listening to our body or just preaching it. Like with children, students learn from the way we ARE, not from what we say they should do.

August 9 2017

Get on the floor and remember these primary movements. It feels awesome. If you have small children, they will join in and make it a lot of fun too.

August 5 2017

Vastness of space settled inside me before going back to the narrowed horizons of the city, accompanied by an unexpected heatwave, clearly resulting from the global warming. I suppose that too much serenity, at this point of extreme human disconnectedness from the natural world, can be dangerously counter-productive. The Earth needs us calm and sober, but more than ever, it needs our Action. Let's make it a priority to look for ways to help sustain humanity ON it. I want to hope that not ALL the damage that we've done is already irreversible. For all of you lovers of seas and oceans, here is a film that will speak to your heart: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH1s9GCqPKo

July 18 2017

I take a look at the horizon. I feel a light breeze on my skin and I take a deep breath. The voices of my children in the background make me think of Michael's children now being left without a dad. A thought as unbearable to me as it gets.
I begin to feel the Earth underneath my feet. As I let the air move through me, the tears roll down. I realise that my sadness is about so much more than Michael’s departure. It’s about the fragility and impermanence of every little thing that I am attached to, knowingly or not. It’s about the separations and the goodbyes that I will never get to say to the people I love, and who will inevitably begin to depart, as I too am growing older. It is about me taking my time to wake up, postponing, being lazy, contrasted by the urgency that events like this force upon us.
I look at the clouds and somehow in my heart I do know it will be all right. Despite the incomprehensible, and the darkness it brings. In a weird way, allowing the pain to be, brings about expansion.
It makes it more natural to be embracing, crying, meditating, dancing out the pain and love, all in one dance. The dance of no holding back, the dance of full freedom.
Farewell Michael. We will keep learning from you.

July 15 2017

This human body walking, swimming, hurting, so resilient and yet so fragile, whom does it belong to? Offering Michael Stone and his family our presence, hopes and love.

July 5 2017

My main decision-making criteria these days: "Is it helping me be/feel more REAL or not?"

July 3 2017

This body knows of no past. It holds all my past experiences in the present, in the memory of every single cell that constitutes my physical existence. The full story of my life is continuously being communicated to me through my body. But it is not a narration. It is a call for conversation that helps shape the present, thereby influencing the impact of the past. And thereby shapes the future. A conversation which in itself is also alive and ever changing.
Effort to manipulate, force something upon, or even transcend my physical body, is sometimes an obstacle to this conversation….shutting it’s voice down in the same way that once upon a time other factors did.
My practice is changing. More and more I am exploring movement that creates an interior of mindfulness and sensitivity, where the body will be allowed to move beyond the usual lines, and to dance out its story more fully. The story of pleasure, fear, shame, joy, trauma, anger, excitement, need, LOVE…. Stuff repressed and stuff expressed vibrate in my cells, engaging me in the story of my life – the ONLY real story I will ever be entitled to telling. Thank you, body!

June 12 2017

If I am silent while watching you cry, it is not because I don't know what to do, but because I know what not to do.

June 4 2017

When inquiring into Truth, notice if you are analyzing "the truth about". Then continue the inquiry without "the about" part, and let the truth be only intuited, not constructed, doubted, defended or personalized.

May 22 2017

If there must be a "more" to strive for, I wish it to be "more subtlety".

May 11 2017

If for every single disturbance that calls for our attention we start figuring out what we will do about it, we run the risk of never truly getting to know it.

April 24 2017

Observing my kids 6 and 3 y.o play with dolls, I just realised that the feeling of sadness does not exist separately from the act of crying. I hope it stays that way!

April 15 2017

If you pay attention to the one who is observing, the object of observation is free to be out of control. It can fluctuate freely from the serenity of a beautiful sunset to the distress of a noisy mind, and back, all in a matter of seconds, completely free, and powerless at the same time.

April 14 2017

Self indulgence for the sake of self realisation is a good intention gone astray :-)

April 14 2017

Truth seeking in conversations means never arriving at a conclusion. Or at least being aware of its changing nature.

April 4 2017

You are meditating and soon enough there comes a feeling that you cannot go on. You are too impatient, your mind is all over the place, you just want to get up. Keep sitting for another five minutes. A little later another moment comes and you feel that now it's better. You got it. The goal has been achieved, you feel good, and don't need to continue. Keep sitting for another five.

March 20 2017

One of the silliest (designed to be motivating) statements a school teacher can give to a child is: “Do this particular thing because it will make your mom happy”. If anyone tries to coax my child into an activity in this way, he or she will receive a reply: “My mom told me that she is already happy, and doesn’t need ME to do anything about it”.

March 10 2017

It is so easy to project our personal anxieties and expectations onto our children, and this often puts them at risk of developing eating disorders. Here's what Janet Lansbury (my parenting guru) says about children and eating: "Make eating solely about the relationship between the child and her tummy. Don’t get excited when she eats well, disappointed when she doesn’t, coax or encourage her. For now and the future, be careful not to give her the impression that the amount she eats pleases or even affects mom, dad or anyone. Instead, encourage her to focus on her physical needs — her appetite and sense of fullness — by staying neutral. This requires tempering feelings, curbing both enthusiasm and worry. Since our toddlers are very, very, very smart and can read between the lines, we can’t even give them the gentle reminder that they like eggs without them sensing our agenda. "

March 5 2017

Mother IS who mother FEELS.

March 4 2017

To all of you seeing the ad pop up on social media promoting the so-called documentary "Truth about cancer", I hope you don't buy into it. I am a huge fan of a healthy life style. A firm believer in the power of alternative and natural methods of prevention and even treatment of so many physical and psychosomatic problems. But THIS "documentary" about the alleged "truth" about cancer and the relevant medical conspiracy theory is a nothing but a HOAX.
Only, it is not funny, because there are real people with real cancers out there who will buy into it and die from curable forms of cancer, while these jokers are profiting on their naivety and desperation in times of their worse hardships.
If you already saw the first (free of charge) episode, you may want to read this
https://integrativeoncology-essentials.com/…/alternative-m…/
or this
https://sciencebasedmedicine.org/the-truth-about-cancer-se…/

March 1 2017

My focus in today’s classes in Amazing Yoga Vienna: "Who am I beyond all these roles and labels?"
Whether gender, racial, sexual, or political, identity is a mental construct. If one cannot see beyond it, it will enhance the feeling of enslavement, frustration and separation. Something will always be missing. Someone will always be to blame.
The spiritual work of exploring the Self beyond the mentally constructed identities, is helping us find the existence and richness of the inner life. It is allowing the voice that is coming from our depths – the voice of our soul - to rise to surface and lead us into a less divided reality.

February 27 2017

Two beings in a relationship, living and growing a breath distance apart. Yet each one being rooted and established in its own independent self, is what allows the light to shine forth. It is more than giving each other "space". It is feeling of profound understanding of each other's learning curves, arising out of patient, non- gripping, non-clinging kind of love. It is an infinite trust in THAT which brought them together and sustains and nurtures them at a breath distance apart.

February 17 2017

The experience of the continuity of consciousness. A shift in the perception of time from past-present-future, to an unbroken flow of present-present-present....

February 14 2017

Our manifest existence is a product of a relationship. From the moment of our conception, until our very last breath, we are never not being in a relationship.
In partner yoga practices, the wordless exchange of energy, the presence, the touch, the support, the eye contact, all help us to remember that on this journey of growth, we are not alone. If it is in human relationships that we get wounded, it is also in human relationships that we can heal.

February 13 2017

As new information comes from the outer environment and tries to hurry me into a decision, and as insights and creative drives try to quickly herald a new project, I prefer to ask myself - have I allowed this to sit in me long enough? Usually I find that it hasn't yet had it's final say. A sign of growing old(er), I guess….

February 7 2017

The moment I truly started to enjoy meditation is the moment I realised this: My mind has to become an object in order to perceive an object. To perceive the curtain on the window in front of me, some part of my mind has to BECOME that curtain. With thousands of different objects or phenomena pulling my attention moment by moment, this process takes up a lot of energy, I realised. Withdrawing the mind from the objects of perception, or even just observing that strong pull of objects, but without actually engaging in them, replenishes my energy and relaxes me almost instantly. Meditation became a time I started looking forward to, the same way I look forward to coming to my loving home.

January 16 2017

The source of children's happiness is neither in the expensive toys nor in visiting fabulous places, but in the quality of attention and interaction they receive on daily basis, in the very ordinary, simple and familiar environments.

January 14 2017

How does every little thing that I hope to receive relate to something that I intend to offer? That is one of my favorite contemplations these days.

January 4 2017

While growing up, my friends always loved staying over at my place, because my parents were “so cool”. Punishment in my house was an exception, not a norm. Communicating and reaching out to one another was a more desirable way of addressing family problems. Quite revolutionary for the 1980s.
I remember when the teachers would complain to my mom about some “unacceptable” behavior of mine. They would stay with their mouth open when she would take my side and instead of scolding me as they had expected, talk about the children’s rights and children’s needs instead! I recall feeling safe and protected, and proud that my mom knew me and allowed me to be who I was. It made me grow trust in myself and in the genuine human goodness, something that never left me, even in the darkest of my life’s phases.
Today a lot of my dedication to be guided by qualities like respect, empathy, creativity, patience and awareness, when raising my own children, arises from this strong foundation that I received as a child. It helps me stay committed to prioritizing their mental, emotional and spiritual health over any possible norm or expectation, including social, institutional, or even my own.

Yoga reflections 2016

Miltos Pavlou — Sat, 23 Jul 2016 08:08:00 GMT

31.12.2016

May 2017 be a year of waking up to the efforts of our soul to bring us on a path of being ourselves.
Efforts that sometimes involve the closing of the doors we so strive and struggle to keep open.
May we allow enough time for inner silence to hear the guidance from within leading us towards discovering the authentic and meaningful way in which our lives are meant to be lived, if they are to rise up to their unique and full expression.

29.12.2016

Every now and then I will feel like the awareness leaves the breath only to enjoy the delight of coming back home to it.

24.12.2016

Will we ever understand that high popularity of something is not it's quality certificate?

22.12.2016

A holiday gift of….meeting yourself where you are

The holiday fever always makes me think of people for whom this particular season is exactly opposite of celebratory - triggering bulks of painful memories, an overall state of melancholy, loneliness or even depression. Chances are that all those celebration atmosphere components like lights, songs, and widespread smiling advertisements will aggravate the feeling of being alone and separate, dropped into a hostile place, just outside the holiday spirit by the circumstances of life.

So, instead of wishing happy holidays, I’m sending out a wish for sincerity, and all the courage that is needed to meet ourselves exactly where we are, at any given moment, or season, in time.

Here it comes:

On the days when darkness prevails, if you cannot access the light of your own essence, you can always hold on to the light of your basic humanly emotions. Yes, your feelings are very intelligent, and they can be very enlightening too.

You can begin to listen to the wisdom of your emotions as soon as you let go of the effort to shake off the negativity. Instead of forcing yourself to tune into the good vibrations of the season, take the time to really sit with yourself. Breathe.

Breathe and watch closely whatever arises, moment by moment. Take time to notice the impermanence of your troubling thoughts and emotions, and how each one arises from, and dissolves into the void, giving way to the next one. This in itself can bring about considerable relief, especially when done on regular basis.

Sometimes though, the attention you pay to the feelings will take you down the rabbit hole - the unknown territory where you get to meet the parts of yourself that you are normally trying to avoid. If that is the case, here is a list of reasons why I find that this scary place is highly worth the visit.

In the rabbit hole I meet my defenses/resistances. And I discover the gratitude for the protection they provide. I also receive insight about the wounds with origins that stretch far back in time, not only in the personal childhood pain, but also in our collective human pain and transgenerational suffering. These wounds will take a long time to heal. And maybe they never will heal. But knowing them intimately mitigates the pain and shame, however skillfully disguised, and releases me right into a better understanding of myself.

In the rabbit hole I meet my anger. And I discover the necessary boundaries and the importance of all those ideals that I stand for in life, like equality and justice, and different ways to take action about them.

In the rabbit hole I meet my doubts and mistrust. And I discover that every single paradigm I have ever followed or stood up for will eventually reach its expiry date, giving way to a new one.

In the rabbit hole I meet my envy. And I discover the self-hatred that lies beneath it. I become aware of different voices that helped shape my sense of self while I was growing up. I learn about the enormous power that the words have on a developing human being. This only makes me more sensitive and conscious about the choice of words I use with my children.

In the rabbit hole I meet disorientation, confusion and chaos. And I discover that the mind and intellect are not always to be trusted as the most reliable source of knowledge.

In the rabbit hole I meet my tears, grief, impatience, fears, guilt, prejudice, regret, projections, drama, and every other component of what it means to be fully and truly human. And yet, ultimately, whatever feeling I surrender to will eventually reveal the teaching it had in store for me. This information and guidance far exceeds what I could have obtained by exclusively mentally analyzing the situation, or even by thinking myself OUT of the feeling, in order to bypass the trip to the rabbit hole. Going IN is what will show me the way OUT, and hopefully, the way FORWARD.

And most importantly the sensitivity we obtain in this whole process is what makes us more connected and attuned to other people. On the contrary, the constant ignoring and repression of our pain, renders us incapable of cultivating true empathy. When our loved ones come to us with problems, and in order to stay committed to not letting our own pain surface, we will likely feel an instant urge to fix them into being happy again, sometimes with our ego skyrocketing into a role of a “greatly needed helper/fixer”. But when we have taken the path down the rabbit hole, we gain trust in the intelligence of this natural process of feeling and healing, and instead of fearing other people’s emotions and emotional reactions, we can offer our presence when their turn comes to dive in. All that shift just because once we were courageous and sincere enough to meet ourselves where we were, and come out of the hole a little more sensitive, a little more loving, a little more human than before.

Closing with one of my all time favorite Rumi's poems: "This being human is a guesthouse"

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

Translated by Coleman Barks

19.12.2016

I don't believe in New Year's resolutions. You'll either do the work needed or you won't. I doubt that the change of year will have anything to do with it.

13.12.2016

Feeling truly loved by a person gives you something that feels like ground, on which you can stand whether strong or weak, always supported, and safe to be yourself. And at the same time it gives you a feeling of open space in which you can continuously expand, and create in whichever direction you choose, in complete freedom, and using your full potential. Thank you, my love!

24.11.2016

I may not be comfortable with this situation.
I may not be comfortable in this conversation.
I may not be comfortable inside this room.
But I turn inwards and see, regardless of the space and time, I can always be comfortable inside this BODY.
Can you feel yourself being protected and sheltered inside the privacy of your own physical body?

9.11.2016

Even though I was never idealizing Hilary's willingness or capacity to elevate the values of the feminine, her opponent is without a doubt an enormous set-back for women’s rights. A darkest darkness itself has come to "rule the world"! Ouch! Just when we thought we were getting somewhere.
My step daughter is 13 y.o. The other day on the streets of Athens, she received repeated vulgar/sexist comments by a 40 y.o. man! And yes, there were people around. And no, no one said a word!
So, putting these 2 things together, my concern is, will we fail to see that the US election is a reflection of a wider situation, and an alarm bell for the feminine populations around the world? Will we realise the urgency to wake up from the “equality dream” and start to take real action against discrimination, not just on the basis of gender, but on financial status, good looks, sexual/gender determination, race, ethnic background, and other?
The real feminine values are centered around inclusion, LIFE-CREATION, nourishment, healing, sheltering, LOVE and empathy. We easily get emotional, and that’s one of our greatest gifts.
BUT! To cultivate and nurture these inner qualities of ours, and to allow them to come to a full expression in the world, we need to come out of the isolation and competitive environments, and we need focus on creating groups, circles, and communities, where we will feel heard and supported, in order to truly thrive!
Honestly, I believe that one of the reasons that yoga has flourished the way it has in the world is that it is helping women reclaim their inner power, and it is fulfilling (to some degree anyhow) the NEED we have to gather together and support each other in the process of transforming ourselves, and thus changing the world.
But our weekly get-togethers have to start to go beyond the asana practice. The time has come, I feel. We need to get ourselves more organized in this business of making the world a better place.
Racist voices of marginalization and exclusion are gaining ground more and more all over the world, and that is a measurable fact. Instead of FIGHTING AGAINST, what we, women, are really great at is WORKING WITH. Let’s work WITH this scary world phenomenon in a way that, perhaps one day, we will be able to say to our daughters – thank goodness for those 2016 elections, because the fear and shame they shed, only helped us bond on a new level, set highest standards, and create new models of women working together for a better tomorrow!

31.10.2016

I want to give a word of encouragement to parents whose child is struggling with the arrival of a new sibling.
For two and a half years Marko, my first son, was THE center of attention. When his sister Mila was born, he was hurt, confused, betrayed and angry, all at the same time. Purposefully spilling things on the sofa, pinching the baby, needing to wear diapers again, were a few of the many new behaviours . He was clearly trying to deal with the new situation the best way he knew how, and it was no joyride for any of us. Nearly a year passed by, with very little change in his attitude towards her. We worked with him in so many ways, with lots of patience, juggling between non-punitive techniques and setting healthy boundaries at the same time. And most of, trying to let him know he was loved and understood with all that he was experiencing. This meant that we would help him realise that ALL of the feelings and drives were accepted and embraced, even if not all BEHAVIOUR was allowed. When violent behavior was not allowed, but the feelings were, he’d end up releasing the pent up emotions through crying and raging, usually in our understanding presence in which he found a lot of comfort. And even though there were times it seemed these two would never get along, and even though there were times I did not manage to react in such an aware manner because my protective instincts (over the baby) would beat me to it, I know he knew and felt connection and support. And voila, 2,5 years after her birth, the two are inseparable. Playing together for hours at a stretch (with a healthy does of conflict of course), sleeping embraced all through the night, finding solutions together etc. I overheard him telling her that he will always protect her (!), which he indeed does. She is always asking for 2 of whatever she asks for, one for her, one for brother “Mamo”. When he is sick she urges me to make him some tea.
The times when our instinctive reaction would be to disconnect from our kids because their behaviour drives us crazy, are the times they actually need us to recognize and help them address their issue the most! Strategies of neglecting them, retreating our love, or redirecting of their attention to something else (and certainly not verbal or physical punishment) will never have the same effect like connecting with them on a deeper level. Connecting with them will help them feel safe during the transition time, and eventually find their peace with any new situation.

30.10.2016

One of the most harmful things we can do to the world of tomorrow is to remain ignorant of the power we have to change the world today.

23.09.2016

Slogan 49 of the mind-training practice from Tibetan Buddhist tradition called 59 Slogans of Lojong: "Always meditate on whatever provokes resentment".
Contrary to our instinctive reaction to escape, repress and avoid that which provokes resentment, and contrary to the widespread belief that meditation is about maintaining a peaceful, serene, thoughtless and motionless state of mind, we are invited to integrate whatever arises in the field of consciousness into the meditation experience. Day in and day out, with dedication, devotion, and considerable amount of compassion towards ourselves, until meditation (as understood in this sense), becomes a more permanent state of being.

19.09.2016

A BIG thank you:
To the angry and intolerant strangers. When our paths on the street cross, I know it’s time for me to work on my own anger and intolerance.
To the ignorant ones, for reminding me to work on being more aware.
To my dear impatient children, for reminding me to cultivate and model patience, instead of screaming how you should be more patient.
To the confusing life circumstances, for inspiring a practice of clarity in me.
To the envious ones, for teaching me that I need to address my own envy, to learn to see through the illusion of separation between us.
To the hostile and resentful ones who are teaching me how hard life is without a sense of safety and belonging.
But most of all, THANK YOU, to all the loving, empathetic, generous people in my life who are dreaming of a better world, who are driven by a desire to grow and to reduce suffering in the world every step of their way. We may not always succeed in practicing what we preach. It may be a really bumpy road full of surprises, disappointments and set-backs. But please know that you are my daily inspiration! Without you I could never understand, or utilize, let alone be thankful for all of the above teachings.

18.09.2016

When a feelng that you truly belong here deepens, you are highly unlikely to develop or maintain a belief that others do not so.

13.09.2016

Faith does not require eradicating our humanly worries, disappointments and concerns about the events of our lives. It does not require extinguishing all that we imagine to be "negative" about the way we feel. Faith is a deep-seated understanding that, even in the darkest of moments, we are never disconnected from life, and life is never NOT conveying to us THAT which we need to know in order to grow. As such, faith can be cultivated and strengthened by practice. A practice of diving into the present experience, be what it may, where the life’s teaching is always waiting to be revealed.

12.09.2016

You’ve been hanging out in Paschimottanasana for some breaths already. What does it mean to go deeper in the pose? Will you experience deepening if your breath deepens? If you start feeling greater steadiness and ease? Will it be deeper if your torso folds 2 cm closer to your thighs? Or if your mind releases the obsession about how deeply you are folding? There is no right or wrong way to be in an asana. And yet, to be able to change your conditioned patterns, you need to start being - repeatedly and persistently - lovingly aware of them.
Forward folds this week my friends, an asana category that is a teacher in itself!

05.09.2016

After the rain come Sun...Your path will be greatly influenced by whether you are at ease with, or frightened by, the inevitability of change.

02.09.2016

Clearly, a true insight calls for no argumentation, and requires no defense. But, as soon as it transmutes itself into the human language, it somehow instantly becomes self-appropriated. Out of nowhere, it starts to feel like "I" had an insight!
From that moment on, it is deliberately handed over to the world of interpretation, polarity, and consequently, argument.

19.08.2016

The outside world is merely a reflection of our inner state. Increasingly integrating parts of the self through yoga practices, we start to see the profound connections and interdependence everywhere we look. From the separation dream we gradually wake up to the fact that our individual spiritual growth is both contributing to, and strongly dependent on the degree of evolution of the collective. Whether through meditation, mindful asana practice, aware and respectful parenting, acts of self-nurture, being in service to the underprivileged, or through simple random acts of kindness, yoga truly comes alive when the context behind our actions is a desire to contribute to the raising of the consciousness level of the humanity as a whole.

07.08.2016

A good teacher will NOT leave you in awe at how wise or powerful he/she is, but will help you discover the wisdom and power within you. The teachings, when successfully transmitted, become a portal to the source, that is no less your own than is anybody else's.

04.08.2016

Everything you do, from parenting to partying, from exercising to resting, from working to lovemaking, can be either an entry or an escape, depending on where you are.

01.08.2016

A recongition of a deep soul connection happens in the most unexpected moments. A voice inside us telling us that there is more to the person than meets the eye. That your paths have crossed for an important reason. May we be grounded in the present time just as much as it is required to hear that voice, and learn what we were meant to learn from one another.

05.07.2016

"Boredom is a chance to contemplate life" - I love this quote from psychoanalyst Adam Phillips. Many parents think that the key to raising healthy and intelligent kids is to give them as much stimulus and possible, to keep them constantly "busy", but finally psychologists are recognising that this is not necessarily the case.
A moment of pause has become my favorite practice with children. When they get bored, they get whiny. "I am boooooored. Mom, this is so booooooring". My instincts will tell me to rush in, and offer a game or a book. But, instead I try to stop myself from reacting too soon. I pause without interfering and watch (except maybe to acknowledge and validate their feelings "I see. You don't like it when you are bored"). Then the shift happens. Pretty soon, they are all excited again, onto something like making a magic castle out of carton boxes, or.embarking on a mission of rescuing their stuffed animals from an alien invasion.. in any case surely something way more creative than I would have come up with. And most importantly, it is THEIR creation.
In this article psychologists actually recommend boredom as a positive stimulus for creativity and as "an integral process of taking one’s time"

01.07.2016

To pause in order to listen to what lies behind the phenomena, to understand what is a symptom and what is a cause, is the greatest skill one can master.

21.06.16

Perhaps 90% of our troubles require non-attachment. But then there are those 10% that require a passionate warrior!

08.06.16

Thank you my friends for your insights. I keep exploring. It is good to notice the "yogi" identity that has been created in myself and others. I love it when I manage to see through it, because just like any other identity, it will tend to create separation, bondage and hence suffering.
Creating union (with some) based on separation (from others) is no real union.
When I see though it, I laugh with it. But sometimes it goes unnoticed or under cover.
Here is my invitation for the next meditation class: "When feelings of envy or jealousy arise, do not discard them right away because of the discomfort they cause, or because of their "non-yoginess". Dive into them. Feel them intensify, even burn, inside your body. Bring them into your meditation. Contemplate and explore. Breathe with them, give them space, stay and observe.
If you stop resisting and surrender to their power, they can take you all the way to their roots, which is non other than a desire to be loved, to be whole, to return to oneness.
This journey is not easy. You are opening to the inner experiences that you've been shutting down for decades. And it can take a while until you see the worthiness of it all. But just like anything, it takes practice. It becomes easier. Even short trips are worthwhile.
Ultimately this exploration reveals to you that you have never been separated from the oneness. And neither have others been. Then if that's true, who can be jealous of whom? An inner smile will eventually arise out of knowing the truth.

But there can be no shortcuts :-)

22.02.16

Don't forget that all these physical adventures are here only for the purification of your mind. If your asana practice will cause more mental turbulence than it will eradicate, you may need more meditation to work with the mind

26.01.16

One of the numerous benefits of meditation is that you start to gain insight about the truths that need to be said, and when it is NOT the right time to say them.

Jan 2016

Taking your life into your own hands and accepting responsibility for what goes on in it, paradoxically makes you feel LESS remorseful, and more forgiving towards everyone, including yourself. The sun only intensifies the whiteness of the snow...

Yoga reflections 2015

Miltos Pavlou — Thu, 23 Jun 2016 08:12:00 GMT

28.03.15

Lately when I ask my son to do something that he finds boring, like brush his teeth or clean up the mess, he waits. He announces that he would sit and wait until it became a good idea. Most of the times, a minute later he shouts: “NOW it is a good idea, mom!” and does it, fairly joyfully. Sometimes it never becomes a good idea and then we have to think further how to get both our needs met.
But I enjoy watching this process every time, because it blows my mind.
First of all, it shows me how important it is for us all to feel that we have the power of choice. To be able to do things when WE have decided that yes, now it is a good idea.
Also, it is crucial to us to feel that our own, perhaps slower, pace is respected, and not to be rushed into doing things we are not ready for in the moment.
But most incredibly, I am thinking – he is only 3 and a half, and he already sees that his reality is what he makes of it. Something that he doesn’t like, by sitting with it for a minute, he gets to turn it into something that he will do gladly. What a lesson!
There is so much to learn from our children, day in and day out. My advice to every present and future parent is one - pay attention! There is lot more going on than we think...

29.03.15

To be the channel, you first must empty. But don’t take it personally, don’t go OUT to empty, empty upon return.

Dec 2015

Trying to turn your back to the ever-fluttering internal unease is only making you run around in circles. Befriend the uncertainty, and pave your way to freedom.

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Step 1: take full responsibility for all the emotional states running through you. Mature taking responsibility is Not blaming yourself

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When we have a fixed idea about what a perfect Asana should LOOK like, oftentimes we overlook what it actually FEELs like. We think that our job as teachers is to put a person into this perfect shape. But our work is first of all to listen, and to listen well, with our eyes, ears, hands and intuition, to understand the needs of each person’s body-mind structure, in order to free the flow of prana. We also need to train our brain to understand immediately which poses the students CAN do while keeping good alignment before rushing to put them into a more advanced pose. We need to be aware WHAT we are instructing and WHY. Is it to serve the student, or to make us feel good as a teacher?
I would never recommend teachers to say “breathe into the pain”! It is my responsibility to use all the tools I have to prevent the pose from causing additional stress and tension in the nervous system, and to make the pose serve its purpose – which is to lead to heightened awareness

Parenting with presence

Miltos Pavlou — Fri, 08 Apr 2016 08:03:00 GMT

Meditation practices may have their origins in forests and caves, but they are absolutely essential to the parents of toddlers!

Meditation increases awareness. Awareness allows us to see the big picture in any given situation. It helps us, parents, to snap out of the attitude of having to keep the child in a good mood at all times. If we go through the day with this intention in mind, parenting will be really, really hard. And being a child won’t be easy either. Half of the child will be accepted, half rejected.

I am noticing that in 90% of the challenging situations, the only thing my children need is my aware presence during the ups and downs of their lives, a normal part of them growing up in a healthy way.

We can still support and feel for them, without getting too entangled in their (age appropriate) reactions. In fact, the prerequisite for empathizing with a child IS that we don’t get pulled into our own anger, accusations and remorse, or other mental projections like expectations or prejudice.

If we find our breath, like we do when meditating, we can acknowledge their feelings by simple sentences such as “You are sad/angry because I won’t let you go outside right now. You really wanted to go.” Or, if your child gets as loud and furious as mine does, by offering your silent presence at times of anger release.

The toddlers usually get it out of their system fast and completely, and very soon become cheerful again. Coming out of those strong emotions, they feel loved and accepted for the whole-of-who-they-are, not just for the happy-smiley part.

Note: Allowing the child to cry with empathy and awareness is NOT the same as telling the child “OK! You can cry all you want, we are not going outside” That is a different story.

If we don’t practice awareness, and repeatedly meet the toddler’s need to express sadness and anger with neglect, fury, punishment, or effort to re-direct their attention to something else, they will either 1. claim their own right for self expression by escalating the behavior, or 2. shut down, transforming the energy of unexpressed feelings into something that later on we will call stress or anxiety…

Practicing awareness (meditation, yoga, tai chi, you name it) helps YOU directly, but it effects your whole family indirectly. Through it you find your own center of power and balance, and your ground when you will need it the most - in family situations! That is the key to healthy coexistence with these wonderful-horrible-adorable little creatures called toddlers!

Truth and authenticity – Concerns of a contemporary yogi

Miltos Pavlou — Wed, 23 Mar 2016 08:55:00 GMT

Nearly 20 years ago, in a midst of an emotional breakdown, I decided to see myself in all honesty for the first time.
Shedding light on my emotional states, intentions, engraved patterns, ghosts of the pasts, and hundred and one different voices I had inside, was something like a process of digging in, and “coming out” at the same time. This process took a great deal of time, but it felt like strong inner purification that opened up certain space inside me, to the extent that it spontaneously led me to meditation, and then eventually, to yoga and meditation combined.

I try to never forget that THIS is how I embarked on the path. By reconciling the different parts. By taking an honest look at myself. Especially when the tendency to “negate the negativity” and repress anything that is not full of “light and love” arises, I try to remember the roots of my practice.

When we have seen the bliss and the truth of spirit, through the practice of yoga, we sometimes tend to forget the usefulness and the necessity of the parts of ourselves that we reject and make into an enemy. But how can we be the seekers of the spiritual truth, the highest truth there is, if we are denying the truth of the emotional states? How can we call any emotional state a “set-back” on the spiritual path? Isn’t that just another illusory separation, just like the one we claim to be escaping from?
I find it greatly important to occasionally ask ourselves these difficult questions.

When feeling “down”, do we ever sit, sink into it, allow ourselves to feel the storm, cry ourselves to sleep if needed, or do we push it all aside thinking “I just need a more intense asana practice”. Or a more regular one. Or one of a different style. As a consequence, have we started to shop around bits and pieces from the broad range of products on the spiritual supermarket, running from one style of yoga to the next, from one workshop to another, in hope that just this next one is going to permanently release us from our fears, our shadows, sadness, envy, grief or anger? Doing anything to keep ourselves busy enough to NEVER have to sit with our feelings? After all, the excitement around a newly discovered technique, and a hope that THAT will be THE ONE, can always help us hold back our tears..... albeit temporarily.

My favorite theme for exploration these days is - how do we make that shift on our spiritual growth - from denial of such an important part of ourselves, towards a more inclusive state of being, the one that will integrate, explore and appreciate all of our layers and all of our states? The one that will allow the authentic expression to emerge? How do “negative feelings” stop being such an outcast in the spiritual work of both individuals and in yogic communities?
In our yogic communities, this shift could open a whole new world of being there for each other. It would pave the way for more honest relationships to emerge. And maybe that would lift the veil of Maiya mala and reduce the sense of separation, perhaps even more than a strong flow class could. It is not surprising that whenever I bring this subject into a yoga class, there are tears in the room.

Some days ago a student shared with me a deeply painful story from her childhood. No asana practice side-by-side could have ever made me feel so profoundly connected to her, like this intimate sharing did.

Honesty with our feelings leads not only to the authentic expression of each of our wonderful beings, but also to the arising of natural empathy towards others, thus creating a community.

Empathy that creates community expresses itself much less in explaining everything in terms of the divine laws and natural forces of the universe, advising one another to be a positive, graceful and grateful yogi. Empathy means being present, knowing and feeling the other right there at that moment. Saying simple things like “I hear your pain and I’m here if you need me”, “Can I sit with you while you cry?” or “You have all the right to feel this way”. These are the true connections. This IS yoga. It is an action arising from deep connections.

My point is, if you have been doing yoga for years, it means that you have had, at the least, some glances of the Self. You have seen the light. Why not use this light to see all of your ghosts and shadows, because you can only deepen your journey to the truth once you decide to bring ALL of yourself on board. And because it is not always easy to do this alone, community can play such an important role.

I have been pondering upon this so much that I intend to start to create more space for conversation in yoga workshops and classes. Our worldly relationships are suffering. There is so much potential in the yogic communities to practice healing our relationships. But this potential goes to waste when after Savasana we immediately rush off to the next thing our life demands. I wonder what would happen if we took the time to just sit in pairs, face to face, for 5 minutes after each class, to share our insights, our sensitivities, our resistances, or even just simple eye contact. Not trying to fix anyone or anything but to simply let our soul hold the space for the soul of a stranger to be what it needs to be...to find it's own authentic way.

Bridging observation with expression

Miltos Pavlou — Sun, 27 Dec 2015 20:00:00 GMT

Observation of the self – thoughts, feelings and being – is highly beneficial for one’s health. It is also good to remember that, when the feelings are skyrocketing, expression may be the easiest and the quickest way towards healing. These two – observation and expression – are not mutually exclusive, and oftentimes go hand-in-hand.

Observation in meditation can sometimes take us deeply into our unconscious mind. This can be a very relieving and pleasant experience. But the unconscious also carries a great amount of unpleasant, repressed material from our past.

The younger we are, the stronger our defence mechanism, necessary for our survival. Many of the things that happened to us as babies and small children did not get properly processed (expressed), either because of the lack of feeling of safety, or for the sake of accumulation of energy needed to survive. If raised by parents who discouraged, or even punished natural expression of fear, anger and sadness, we are likely to have repressed many experiences and feelings. Later on in life, when social rules impose hiding the “inappropriate” feelings, again we seem unable to let them go. The repressed pain - according to many psychology schools - gets stored in our unconscious mind, and causes continuous problems in our adult life.

In meditation and yoga we sometimes dive into the unconscious mind. Memories may come up, usually provided we are ready to face them. It may be an image, an incident or a sensation. It may be a feeling of being small and helpless, a frustration, fear, or a feeling of not being loved or cared for. It may be the feeling of competition with fellow students, that in fact originates in early sibling rivalry. I have experienced many of these things both in yoga and meditation.

When intense feelings comes up, most spiritual approaches I have come across suggest observing the energy of the memory – it’s full impact - as a witness. This doesn't deny the seriousness of the memory, but it recognises it for what it is: mental concept of something that - however strong - happened in the past. Sometimes this insight can lead to a realisation on a deep, unconscious level that the memory has no real power in the present, and thus lead to healing.

Yet there are times when the memory - especially if relived suddenly in meditation - can be too overwhelming to keep the observation going on. In these instances I recommend expression instead - allowing the feelings to find their output in a safe manner for self and others.

The human body is naturally equipped with a powerful healing mechanism called crying. If in a middle of yoga or meditation practice sadness surfaces for you, for whatever reason, please know that there is no "inappropriateness” in allowing it to be and expressing it accordingly.

Not only is it acceptable, but it is also desirable not to hold back the tears, because the expression may lead you to valuable insights – such as the connection between the present state of mind and events from early childhood. These insights may have a permanent positive effect on your life. What’s more, you may even sense or develop a witness while you are expressing – a nurturing and caring part of you allowing you to truly be, maybe even for the first time. You may also recall and observe the whole process afterwards by yourself, or share it with someone close to you.Ideally there is a caring and understanding person, but we can always be that person for ourselves too.

Coming back to meditation and observation, you may find it easier to centre and meditate with all that junk out of the way. Wrestling with the feelings and not allowing them to surface for the sake of “detached observation” is in my experience way more difficult than expressing them safely. In fact, the detachment from a memory comes to me more naturally after I had allowed the body to release its accumulated energy.

If we had all been raised in an aware, conscious world, the natural functions of the body - especially its detoxifying functions - would have been honoured, not ridiculed. Safe environment would have been provided for the expression of feelings to take place as needed. Feelings would not be suppressed but probably even encouraged. We would have learned from early age that when we feel pain, our body deals with it at that very moment. When natural healthy reaction is allowed, there is no reason for the energy of the pain to be carried into the future.

Observation and expression have been inseparable on my own journey of emotional healing and spiritual freedom. Awakening a non-judgemental observer during and after the expression has offered an enormous support and relief. The observer is often that voice which sums up the whole thing - the trigger into a feeling, the relevant expression, regression and integration afterwards - the realisation that the present pain was offset by something belonging to the distant past.

Each individual is different, and will find their own combination of what works best for them. There is no “one size fits all” rule. Societies evolve, perspectives change, what’s crazy one decade is normal the next. What remains steady however, is the accountability of our inner wisdom. If we are kind, gentle and flexible to ourselves and others – even if only for moments in the beginning – we are coordinating with this wisdom of within, and with the wisdom of beyond. Whether we cry, work, dance or meditate to feel the unity doesn’t matter that much any longer. What matters is HOW we do it – how much awareness we bring into it, and how much we honour it.

Meditation and silence

Miltos Pavlou — Sun, 27 Dec 2015 19:58:00 GMT

Many people think that meditation requires a lovely setting, preferably in nature, where all our senses can fill with pleasurable stimuli. People who have experienced meditation often emphasise the challenge of living in busy cities, with noise and vibration of all the machines penetrating our body and mind. This is true; it is perhaps more challenging to shift the attention inwards with such intense distractions everywhere around.

A whole range of old spiritual teachings, and recently E. Tolle in "The Power of Now", says that whatever situation we presently find ourselves in, if we cannot act to change it, we need to internally accept it*. As long as we resist the way things are, our mind fluctuations are high, and THAT is what keeps us unable to concentrate. It is not the situation or the stimuli around us; it is our reaction to it that prevents us from finding inner peace. If, instead, we embrace the moment as it is, we are likely to discover that the silence we long for is actually inside us, has always been and always will be. For the calm, aware presence is our true nature. This inner silence is undisturbed not only by the external conditions, but also by whatever noise goes on in our very mind. It is the silence BEHIND the thoughts.

Thus, anything else than full acceptance of the present moment tends to make the mind wonder. We feel as if this “disturbs” the meditation process. If, at the end of your yoga class, just as you are about to relax in Savasana you hear a loud noise of a car horn or a truck passing right by the studio, try the following.

- Acknowledge the sound.

- Acknowledge the hearing sense that detects the sound.

- Watch your reaction. If you detect crunching in any part of your body, that's the inner resistance.

- Relax that part. Let the tight area expand by accepting the noisy vibration.

- Be aware of your thoughts that may arise, such as "where did this sound come from?" (past) or "will it get even louder?", "when will it be over?" (future). All this analysis takes the mind away from the present moment and causes further frustration.

Most people can become aware for a few moments but then tend to shift back to the identification with the mind easily. What can be done about that? How will you will maintain the awareness if it first detects a feeling, or alternatively, a if it detects a thought? These two are analysed below.

You may first become aware of a feeling - discomfort, anxiety, anger, shrinking feeling inside the chest, abdomen or elsewhere. Become aware of how a feeling triggers thoughts. Common thinking pattern is "I hate this noise", "These cars cause so much pollution, no wonder we are all crazy in this city" etc. If you already exercise "watching your feelings" you may think "Oh darn, here I am again, feeling this anger and resistance that I shouldn't be feeling" or "I should be better at acceptance by now" etc. This will only take you out of the awareness you felt for a few moments and back into identification with the mind. It feeds back the emotion and creates a vicious circle.

Instead of that, when you become aware of the emotion, stay in the present moment, conscious of the emotion but without condemnation. It is easier not to judge it when you realise that the feelings happen to your body and mind, but are not essentially You. To realise this doesn't mean to "think it". Rather it means "to know" with your deep inner wisdom, which only comes forth when you are NOT thinking.

Alternatively, you may first become aware of a thought. The procedure is similar - bring awareness to it. There is a world of difference between letting the thoughts BE (being aware of the thoughts our mind produces), and BEING the thoughts (taking our mind as who we are).

"Here comes that truck that will surely get me out of my relaxation", or "I will have to practice that presence and stillness again, when all I want to do is relax". Become aware of how the thought triggers an emotion. Become aware of the personalisation in the thinking. "Me", "I" "Mine"and so on. The thoughts that cause intense feelings inevitably carry the ego element. The ego sees everything as personal, and thrives on complaining. But to realise this, and then condemn it: "This ego of mine again, I don't know what to do with it anymore!" and next "I am condemning my ego when I'm supposed to be neutral" is just more and more ego, more mental noise. The initially detected thought turns into the stream of thoughts. Instead, as you become aware of the first thought "Here comes that truck that will surely get me out of my relaxation", you may ask yourself "Can I allow this to be?", or "The situation is such (noisy). What is my reaction to it?" and then observe the body sensation and feelings.

Another way is to add the breath to the spectrum of senses. "How is my breathing at this moment?" Become aware of your inner space. The more you practice this, the easier and more automatic it will become. You may even feel inner expansion the louder the surrounding sounds become.

Distinguishing between the situation and your reaction to it means that you become a witness. And whenever you become a witness, an observer, you are no longer identified with the thinking mind. This is how the awakening begins.

So, when presented by various challenges like noise, it is good to remember that the most challenging situations offer the biggest opportunity for change. We can either nag about the noisy city, or shift to the level of no good sounds or bad sounds, just sounds, vibration coming and going, the city music following us on our path of transformation.

* Experiencing inner acceptance does not mean that we need to passively accept whatever comes our way – e.g. abusive relationships, unwanted jobs etc. It does not mean that we stop wishing to change the unfair things in this world, or even our own unpleasant habits. We do not stop wanting to change and to grow...On the contrary, it means that we make ourselves more capable of bringing about true change. We fully recognise, comprehend, and come into terms with the situation as it presently is. This shifts us from the place of resistance - complaining, denial, regret, shame, anger, fear - to the place of acceptance. From this place, we can act more appropriately - we can make more objective, fruitful and sober action towards changing the situation. We can finally stop mentally and psychologically tormenting our selves about the situation, and actually do something about it.

The double-edged positive thinking

Miltos Pavlou — Sun, 27 Dec 2015 19:49:00 GMT

We often hear about the importance of thinking and “staying” positive, even in the midst of an inner turmoil and suffering. I find this to be tricky business, because it may produce a counter-effect of detaching even further from the feelings, and from the potentially repressed causes of those feelings. And I cannot resist connecting it – as a phenomenon - to do the social facade our dominant society has come to wear most of the time. “How are you doing?” has spontaneously become a convenient question declaring that we don’t really want to hear the more meaningful answer of how the person is actually feeling. And even in the case of “how are you?” the automatic response is “I’m well” even when this is far away from the truth. People don’t seem willing to mess with the not-being-well of another person.

Putting on a happy face in front of others only reflects the overall stance we adopt towards ourselves. Certain feelings that we experience, however primordial and natural, we label as bad, and we rush to overcome them.

Pain is a suggestion that something requires our attention. But when we are hurting, we rarely allow ourselves to use, for instance, the healing power of tears. Instead, we use all the coping mechanisms and distractions we can find to dull our mind (consumption, sedatives, over-sleeping, too much television watching, over-talking, over-working etc). Anything goes that will help us avoid sitting with, and giving meaning to the feelings.

For this peculiarity to be happening, it must be that deep down we carry a huge amount of guilt for the way we feel. More often than not we believe that we should not feel the way we do. Alas, there is no such thing as should when it comes to feelings – they simply ARE. Whether socially imposed or even inherited, the guilt around feelings has come to shape much of our behavior. Therefore, it is a good starting point for practicing giving attention. Once the attention has been given, there will likely be attunement to the feeling, expression and more attention to the consequent changes.

To harbor honesty about the way we feel at any given moment means tosurrender to it. As long as we resist what goes on inside us, we are intensifying the anxiety and unnecessarily burdening ourselves. The “think positive” manual doesn’t usually work in such cases. Being true to our feelings may initially frighten us but, in my opinion, it is very well worth the risk. In the long run it brings forth the feeling of freedom, sincerity and clarity. And it provides great relief, if for no other reason, then because of all that saved energy that we otherwise waste into pretending to be all right.

Children and Spirituality

Miltos Pavlou — Sat, 26 Dec 2015 18:16:00 GMT

(protecting the children from the schooling system and allowing their natural emotional and spiritual development)

It’s been more than two decades since Pink Floyd protested: “Hey teachers! Leave them kids alone!” in their song “The Wall” that describes the school system as “another brick in the wall”, i.e. another trauma that forces children to build walls as a defence from overwhelming feelings of fear, shame and despair. Since then, admittedly, the system has changed, as indicated for example, by an ever-smaller number of schools that exercise corporal punishment. However, the general care for children’s emotional and spiritual health in schools worldwide has not yet taken significant dimensions.

Usually with the absence of major traumas, children have a tendency to experience spirituality more easily and spontaneously that adults. Evidence of this can be found in the way they explore every element of the nature - the leaves, the rocks, the bugs, the sand - all with great interest - colours, shapes, weight, the way they feel in the hand, the way they feel in the mouth and so forth. Children are not just observing, they are feeling the surrounding, they are literally living it. Moreover, they detect, absorb, and react to energy flows and changes much more intensely than the adults do. So, if these extra-sensory experiences are an in-born capacity, when, and why does it wear off? More importantly, what can we, as aware adults, do to guard this talent of children’s, and help it evolve in a natural way?

One of the essential components is, off course, the loving, non-violent upbringing that fulfils the child’s needs and allows the expression of feelings. Violence of each and every kind will inevitably interfere with the child’s natural cognitive, emotional and spiritual development. But since parents are not the only ones who exert influence upon a child, the approach they will adopt towards child’s other surroundings, such as school, is also crucial for their present and future life.

At very young age children are expected to leave their toys and start writing and calculating, in order to become serious, competitive, and more successful as early as possible. The overdose of the element of “rationality” often met in the devoid-of-feelings education machine, suppresses creativity - otherwise expressed through play and free imagination - and creates potential for the little persons to be “too much in their head”. The habituation to the on-going race in the left brain hemisphere is often what makes people, years later, spend hours in therapy, or meditating, doing yoga or chanting to be able to re-establish the long lost connection with feelings, and to come into touch with their genuine self again.

The exaggerated thinking without reference to other aspects of the self contributes to the development of a pattern of constantly struggling to comprehend everything in a logical way, to “make sense”; oftentimes at the expense of the once possessed “sixth sense” - intuition and connectedness to the universe. "Stop gazing and pay attention!”, “Get serious”, “Use your brain”, “Be reasonable” - and other reminders that many teachers recurrently frustrate the children with, produce such tensions that children may start feeling stressed and on alert every time they “wander off”. This weakens infinitely their natural capacity to function on a lower brain-wave level, which adults use in prayers, rituals, meditations and other spiritual behaviour.

Contemporary education system, albeit not only western, almost exclusively focused on the brain, hardly ever teaches the youth how to stay attuned to their feelings and to cultivate the emotional and spiritual sides along with the intellectual. Were the three allowed to develop hand-in-hand, the conflicting relationship between different parts of the self could be undone and a child could remain, or even become, an integrated human being.

Regrettably, in our civilised societies, the lessons on the moral requirements, the “necessary” codes of behaviour and other disciplinary burdens weigh heavily on young shoulders. The false moral seems to be taking precedence over something as vital for the child as learning how to be open and true to his or her own feelings, and from there, to cultivate empathy towards others. The system seems oblivious to the fact that these natural feelings of empathy - which much of the rhetoric of the false moral claims to be centred on - can arise in childhood and preserve their genuine, pure form in adulthood only when allowed to grow, rather than being imposed.

Therefore, the fact that expanding one’s heart along with the mind receives insufficient attention, suggests that our educational system is in need of revision. But until some major changes occur, what are the parents to do?

Parents can make the child’s school time less painful. Instead of insisting on good grades, best performance and letting go of the “dream-realm”, they can remind their child that it is all right to have fantasies, not to be in the real world at all times, not to be too serious, rational or in control. They can enjoy listening and actively participate in stories that the child shares about imaginary friends and all other imagery that may come forth. But most of all, the parents need to be on their child’s side when a teacher complains that he or she is “too lively”, or too disassociated. They can help the child catch-up with education material to reduce the child’s frustration or potential feelings of inferiority in school, but they need to understand that most commonly, it is the schooling system that suffers from a whole range of defects, not their child.

If trusted and allowed to trust their parents, it will be easier for children to think of their experiences as normal, as opposed to forcing themselves to resist the inclination towards the non-tangible, fantasy world. This in turn may make them perceive school as less stressful and more fun, and acquire education on more relaxed terms.

The intellectual knowledge alone is not sufficient for a healthy development. Parents have a responsibility to help the children maintain and strengthen their link to feelings, to knowing themselves and to the spiritual realm. Many parents who practice non-punitive upbringing do exactly that, and enjoy witnessing the healthy growth of their child. Some schools do as well. Hopefully some day this responsibility will take wider dimensions, and the natural drive to honour children’s spiritual capacities will turn from exception to the norm. Hopefully the children’s need to gather bricks and build the walls will give way to building open, feeling, and healthy relationships with themselves and others.

Children and Expression

Miltos Pavlou — Fri, 25 Dec 2015 22:06:00 GMT

If humanity is on an awakening path - path towards healing itself and the planet it lives on - it is essential that it gives great attention to the way it raises children. We need to become aware of - and in tune with - children's feelings and perspectives of the world. We need to be responsive to their needs, most importantly their need to beloved and recognised. Last but not least, we need to overcome the "my child" mentality in which we are deluded that we have some kind of ownership of the children.

The Evolving Child page is dedicated to acknowledging the importance of the natural birth and non-violent upbringing of children. With time, it will come to provide abundant material and a whole range of links to scientific research and world-wide efforts to promote and to spread knowledge about the nurturing that allows for child's healthy emotional and spiritual development.

Whenever a trauma occurs, the body sets in motion an automatic system designed for healing from that trauma. On a physical level, for example, the different cells of our organism rush to close the wound when we cut ourselves. Similarly automatic are reactions on psychological and emotional levels. The most natural reaction the body will produce includes crying, loud sounds, shaking, tantrums and the like.

This is often upsetting for adults to witness. Especially in a social setting, they often try to make the child as still and as quiet as possible. Frequently the parents’ intention is not to make the child feel better, but rather simply to get over their own feelings of shame, fear or anger about their child’s behaviour. Even more unfortunate is the fact that they often use any means at their disposal to achieve this end.

It is in a situation like this that one needs to remember that such behaviour is not the child’s misbehaviour, it is not his or her whim. It is the child’s need, and a natural process for dealing with the emotional overload. It is a discharge necessary to heal from a trauma, shock, discontent, discomfort or any other painful feeling.
Ideally, there will be a presence of a caring and understanding parent who will neither punish the child, nor neglect the event. Instead, the parent will provide safe space for the release to occur without hurting anyone around. This means letting the child know that it is all right to do whatever her or his body needs to, and that they (parents) are there should the child need them.

“What if the child cries for no reason?”, I was recently asked. I believe very simply that there is no such thing. Whenever a child cries, whines, or screams, there is an underlying reason. To us it may seem ridiculous that not getting an attractive toy for instance, could provoke so much frustration, but at that moment, inside the child, particular feelings have been triggered, and they need to come out. I do not suggest that children should get everything they ask for, but rather that they should be able to express their discontent. Through free expression, they may also be healing from some other, older shocks and traumas - that had occurred during birth or infancy perhaps - and not even be aware of it.
If, on the other hand, an adult teaches the child to “behave him/herself”, and prevents the release by hushing, hitting, ridiculing, threatening or even purposefully distracting the child, the trauma will stay in the child’s system, harming the organism at present as well as in future. The parent will experience a relief - once the child has become quiet - but the hidden effect will be highly damaging for the child’s healthy development. This kind of parenting is focused on the needs of the parent, not the child’s needs!
The body is, by configuration, limited. It can stand keeping the feelings inside only to a limited extent. Not uncommonly, the accumulated, unreleased feelings, that cause much inner frustration, after a while turn into the most deadly disease of our times - stress.

The stored pain from the repressed feelings therefore, in the end, will come out. It is the form in which it will do so that is scary: either-self-damaging or violent towards others, but most commonly both. In schools we can often observe the children’s “inexplicable” violent behaviour. Violent children are doing nothing else but trying to cope with their own, unreleased pain, by projecting it onto others.

I think that it is useful for us to explore why the child’s expression bothers us. Examining ourselves by detecting our feeling and thinking patterns, can lead us to important revelations. One such revelation may be that the origin of our feeling of unease while witnessing expression lies in the fact that we ourselves were prevented from it as children. Becoming aware of the effects of our own past is often painful. And when it is, it is good to remember that the tears are the most powerful natural human healer. The more we express our pain in a natural, safe way, the more we improve our own health, and the less we degrade the health of the next generations.

We must be the change that we wish to see in the world
-- Mahatma Gandhi --

Yoga for Kids and Teens

Miltos Pavlou — Fri, 25 Dec 2015 22:03:00 GMT

Yoga for children through theatrical game, musical and kinetic expression, encourages creativity, cooperation, freedom of expression, emotional and spiritual development, AND it is a lot of fun.

In modern times, most children are undergoing daily stress in the environment they live in. There is stress from exams in school, from many hours of doing homework, from the need for "results" in different sport activities, from the need to be popular among friends, stress from various things they see on TV, from violent images, movies, computer games and other influences.

Therefore it is very important that there is a place and time for children to relax through creative games, songs, stories and expression of feelings. In yoga classes at the same time, children learn breathing and movement techniques that will always be useful to them. The breath and movement, or posture, foundation of yoga practice, are a natural way of dealing with stress and other life challenges.

Within a safe and warm environment of Athens Yoga Studio, children:
- Express themselves creatively though theatrical games, yoga poses and moves, music and stories, combining the individual and the global, building free, autonomous and creative personalities.
- Develop the capacity to concentrate, balance and relax
- Build physical strength, acquire flexibility and coordination of the body
kids' color figures in meditation and similar asanas- Begin to feel better with their body and build self esteem
- Develop awareness of their internal world
- Learn to co-operate rather than compete
- Develop sympathy and compassion - ability to feel, recognise and respect the feelings of others
maja with kids in partner yoga postureFurthermore, because there is no way for one to "fail" in yoga, or not to be good at something, children have the opportunity to engage with one another without the pressure of succeeding, to be "the best" or to "win". In this way they can enjoy being themselves, having fun and at the same time learning about nutrition, anatomy, environment, as well as about principles of yoga such as non-violence, interdependence and unity.

Assuming a posture (asana) of a tree or various animals, children realize the connection between their own world and the environment, cultivating respect towards all beings and recognising our mutual interdependence.

Yoga is an opportunity for children to embark on this precious journey of mental health and clarity and personal development from early life. It is an opportunity to cultivate their infinite innate intelligence and to remain in touch with their intuition, with their natural instinct, so that their bright inner light keeps shining as they grow in the modern world.